Ep 23 | Redefining Success with Roberta Dombrowski

In this solo episode, I explore a theme that’s been surfacing again and again in my client conversations: how we define success—and how that definition may need to evolve. Many of us fell into our careers through timing, practicality, or opportunity. It worked for a while. But with layoffs, burnout, and shifting priorities, more people are pausing to ask: What does success actually mean to me now?

I unpack the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, why so many workplaces rely almost entirely on external validation, and how that can leave us feeling drained. Most importantly, I walk through reflective questions you can use to reconnect with your values and redefine success in a way that aligns with your current season of life.

Topics Discussed in This Episode

• External vs. internal motivation
• Why extrinsic rewards lose their power
• How success shifts across life seasons
• Using peak moments and anger as values data
• Moving from validation to alignment

Connect with Roberta on LinkedIn 

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Transcript

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And something important to name is that success isn't static. What success looked like to you in your 20s may be different from what it means now. Maybe earlier on in your career, success looked like growth, learning, maybe saying yes to everything. And now success might look a little bit more like stability or having energy at the end of the day so that you can spend on things in other areas in your life. Neither of these things is wrong. They're just different seasons of life. Welcome to In Her Words. This podcast is for women navigating through change, career, identity, motherhood, and just figuring out what's next. I'm Roberta Dembrowski, host of In Her Words and founder of Learn Mindfully. Each episode, I sit down with women who are asking big questions, navigating transitions, and trying to make sense of life as it shifts. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just need space to be real. Let's get into it. Hey friends, I'm so glad you're here. Today's episode is a solo one, and we're talking about something that's been coming up again and again in my work lately. How we define success and how that definition might be ready for a reboot. In recent conversations with clients, I've been hearing some really similar stories. So many people have shared that they didn't intentionally choose their career path. They sort of just fell into it through luck, timing, or doing what felt practical at the time. And for a while it worked. But now, with layoffs, market shifts, burnout, and just a general sense of things not working anymore, they're pausing and asking themselves, what's next for me? And how do I even know if I'm doing well enough anymore? At the heart of these questions is something deeper. How we define success and who gets to define it. When I start this conversation with clients, I usually begin with one of my favorite distinctions: external versus internal motivation. Internal or intrinsic motivation is about doing something because you genuinely enjoy it, because it's meaningful or energizing in and of itself. It really is one of my favorite topics ever. Fun fact, I almost called this podcast intrinsic because I love this topic so much, but I digress. For me, intrinsic motivation are things that look like gardening, taking long walks outside, cooking a meal, and honestly, even coaching and being in conversation with others. And those podcasts. These are things I'd want to do even if nobody was watching me, even if I wasn't getting paid. There's something about them that just feels soul nourishing. On the other hand, external or extrinsic motivation is something else. It's things like bonuses, titles, praise, recognition, gold stars, promotions. And here's the thing: most workplaces are built almost entirely around extrinsic motivation. Work harder now and the reward will come later. Put in longer hours so you're seen as committed. Sacrifice a little more just for this season. But the problem is extrinsic motivation fades. That raise or bonus that felt exciting. A month later, you don't even remember it. Suddenly you're just chasing the next thing. This doesn't mean that extrinsic rewards are bad necessarily. We all need to pay our bills. We all need a way to pay for housing, for daycare, for food. But when you define success only externally, by others, by titles, promotions, or money, it can become really exhausting and unsustainable over the longer term. When we start redefining success, we get to come back to intrinsic motivation, to what actually sustains us. And something important to name is that success isn't static. What success looked like to you in your 20s may be different from what it means now. Maybe earlier on in your career, success looked like growth. Learning, maybe saying yes to everything, to proving yourself, to putting in the longer hours. Maybe it was about speed, visibility, or climbing the ladder quickly. And now success might look a little bit more like stability or flexibility or alignment or having energy at the end of the day so that you can spend on things in other areas in your life, like time with your kids or a hobby or your partner. Neither of these things is wrong. They're just different seasons of life. And so from there, the question usually becomes how do you figure out what success means to you now? I always recommend with every client that I work with to start with your values. And your values are your North Star. They help guide decisions, especially when things feel uncertain. And often we don't slow down enough to name them intentionally. So if you're open to it, I recommend grabbing a piece of paper or maybe just pause and reflect mentally and consider a few questions for yourself. You don't need perfect answers, just notice what comes up. First question: When have you experienced a peak moment in your life? Think of this as a time when you are fully in the zone, you are fully present, aware, accomplishing things, having a major impact in the world in the way that you wanted to? What were you doing at this moment in time? Who are you with? How did it feel in your body? Second question: Who is someone you admire or feel inspired by? And why? What qualities do they embody? What feels resonant about the way that they move throughout the world? Who you admire can say a lot about you and what's important to you. Third question: What's a moment you're really proud of? It doesn't necessarily need to look impressive on paper. It's just simply meaningful to you. What were you doing? What makes you so proud? And finally, what's something that's made you angry or deeply frustrated lately? Anger is one of my favorite pieces of data for myself and for my clients. It usually points us to a value that may have been violated or an area where we felt disrespected by someone else. That can be a really important signal for you to just notice as it shows up with for yourself. So thinking back to all these questions, as you look back, notice the patterns that come up. For example, when I reflect on moments I'm most proud of, they often involve overcoming challenges or learning something new. This tells me at a high level that learning is a core value for me. And so when I think about success, it means about being in environments where I can keep growing and evolving, not just climbing a ladder or getting a raise, but really learning new skills and being able to apply them in different environments. When I've ignored this value in the past, I've felt it on so many different levels. I've become restless, drained, disconnected, unmotivated. And so it's important for me to keep it front and center because it's a real indicator of what success looks like to me. And so when we take a step back, redefining success often means shifting from external validation to internal alignment. We go from asking ourselves, does this look good? to asking ourselves, does this feel right? And that shift can be really uncomfortable, especially in a culture that really rewards and prioritizes things like visibility, productivity, and just movement, always to be moving upward and onward. But it's also really deeply grounding when you realize that this is the case. As we move into the next chapter of the season, I'll be sharing stories from women who have redefined success on their own terms, even when it was hard or messy or went against the green. Women who listened to that quiet inner voice and said, something about this isn't working anymore for me, and chose to respond with courage. My hope is that their stories invite you to reflect on your own definition of success and to remember that success doesn't have to look impressive from the outside, to be deeply meaningful on the inside. Thanks for being here, and I'll see you next time. Thanks for being here. If something in this episode landed with you, feel free to pass it along to someone who might need it too. You can leave a review, subscribe, or just keep tuning in. We're figuring it out together. And remember your story, your voice, your becoming. It all matters.